What's the opposite of poetic justice?

Never gonna understand how an earlobe bandaid is more professional than a piercing

Jimmy John's says they hire “rockstar personalities” — so how do you bring the noise to work if that's your job? Well, it’s complicated. Your shoe soles can only be black or brown, your pants must be cuffless, your khakis no bolder in color than “medium tan”, and absolutely no high tops. You're limited to one piercing, and the size of your gauges are very specifically regulated in three differenet categories, depending on the diameter as measured in 1/32nds of an inch — 1) acceptable, 2) must be filled with a “Kaos Softwear Flesh Tone Hider Plug”, and 3) must be covered with a band-aid.

It’s all part of dress code more complicated and restrictive than anything that goes out to parents before a junior high school dance. And it comes down from national corporate headquarters to all employees of all franchises. So yeah: they’re saying they can control the soles of workers' shoes, but have nothing to do with their wages. Try that on for size.

Facetime with the Great Depression

Poverty gauges may be relatively new, but we’ve had poverty wages for far too long — and how we all imagine the face of poverty has a lot to do with the Depression-era photos of Dorothea Lange. From a 21st century perspective, the images can be distancing and othering — does that drive-thru worker rocking a McDonald’s headset look all that immiserated compared to these dusty-faced Okies you might recognize from that time you landed on the History Channel when you forget which channel has Shark Week?

So it’s fascinating to learn that Lange thought the captions of the photos were as valuable as the images, and was furious they were so often omitted. And she was right. Read the stories behind the photos in people’s own wordsthe black-and-white pics come alive and move into dialogue with the present one again. Maybe that’s why they get left out?

There's gotta be a deadly catch here

Dreaming of a $156 million paycheck? All it takes is a little luck and a lot of being CEO of a company whose stock actually declined by 24% over the year. At least, that’s what worked for David Zaslav, CEO of Discovery Communications. FWIW: his company has 8,000 employees. Each one of them could get a $10,000 raise and Zaslav would still have $76 million left over for himself.

It’s either the next CIA torture program or a new reality TV show. Maybe both?

A family facing extreme financial struggles is given a briefcase with $101,000 they desperately need. They’re asked to find a way to divide that money with another family in a similar situation, whose economic plight they get to know extremely well. Unbeknownst to them, the other family also has $101,000 to divide… with them. This is a TV show, people. Greenlighted by CBS. Recently.

Are they all fed to the lions at the end while people in togas cackle and eat peeled grapes? Because that might be a perfect Discovery Channel crossover.

Yeah, guess that’s what happens.

4-year-old seal escaped stormy weather and spent the night at a South Aukland, New Zealand car wash. It was taken away in a cage.

Florida alligator attacked a pickup truck that got in its way. The front bumper did not escape.

And a bewildered cow escaped a Cincinnati slaughterhouse, walked the streets, and was finally tracked down outside local McDonald’s. It was then executed.