*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ***Contact: Sage Wilson, Working Washington — firstname.lastname@example.org
Fierce supporters promise to help McKenna "claw his way" to the top
As Election Day draws closer and the outcome of the gubernatorial race remains balanced on a razor edge, a powerful coalition today is making a well-timed announcement of support for Rob McKenna.
"Our decision was simple: Rob McKenna has the BRAAAAAIIINS to carry out zombie priorities," a zombie leader of Monsters for McKenna explained. The zombie cited McKenna's "BRAAAAAINNNY" attempt to suck the life out of a 12¢ minimum wage increase, as well as his mindlessly-consistent embrace of lower subminimum wages for some workers as a way of improving the economy.
"Also, BRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINS," he added.
Zombies aren't the only creatures emerging from the shadows to reveal their support for McKenna today. The Wolfman also offered an unusual endorsement.
"Basically, I'm a lone wolf, and I don't really care about anybody else," the Wolfman stated. "That's why I could not suppress my howls of delight when I learned about McKenna's budget proposals, which would make poor & disabled people pay more while they get less from Medicaid," stated the Wolfman.
"When wolves are grown they're on their own, and that oughtta be good enough for Washington too," he added. "If we're supposed to start caring about people who need healthcare, we might as well just get defanged. That's why McKenna's pay-more/get-less plan for working families is a two-fer I can get behind, no matter what the phase of the moon."
McKenna's monster endorsers also issued a statement condemning the Good Witch's earlier announcement of her support for Jay Inslee:
"This is the high-pitched syrupy ranting of one out-of-the-mainstream witch, and it's hardly representative of the larger wand-wielding community.
It may be true as the Good Witch stated that Inslee understands there's no place like home — a home you can actually afford because you have a good job. But that doesn't change the fact that Monsters for McKenna fiercely believe there is no reason to let humans choose who should govern them on the basis of their own humanity. If Inslee would support these kinds of appalling human-first policies as Governor, then it's time they both go back on the broom they came in on.
Finally, we all know idle ballots are the devil's playground. That's why with just a week to go before election day, we urge all humans to abstain from this election and let the monsters decide for them."
Note: Additional statements from vampires, trolls, Sasquatch, and other creatures of the night are available upon request. Knock on any door with a glowing pumpkin outside to set up an interview.
Monsters for McKenna is a large and hairy coalition organizing to make sure fellow suckers of blood, brains, and guts understand what's at stake in the gubernatorial election. Leaders in the organization are fiercely committed to help McKenna claw his way to the top in order to ensure a ghoulish future for our state.